Sometimes, things fall into place. Sometimes, you're in a house, in a neighborhood, taking your kids to school, doing a job you love and your husband is home for dinner every single night. And you find yourself not having to remind yourself, "Be present" because you just are. You're not telling yourself "the days are long but the years are short" through gritted teeth because you're just enjoying the days.
Part of this falling into place is just the place we are at in general. My kids are big, but not too big. They can put on their own shoes, they can buckle their own seat belts, we never ever need a stroller (PRAISE THE LORD), we can take them places and not have it be a huge production. They still like to hang out with us and we don't embarrass them yet. It's spring time-where the days are warmer and longer and that alone can make things feel better. You could say we're in a good season-in both life and nature.
But there is a little more right now: we love our home (not always the case when you move every few years), we love our neighborhood (same), and the school the kids are attending is fantastic (also: same). Both Neal and I like our jobs and work decent hours. We love this duty station and the town we live in-which is always a blessing because we don't get to chose. And while there are issues, like any where or place (a move in the middle of the school year is not easy), we are so content here.
It feels like home, in a way the last three years did not. It feels like everything has fallen into place for the time being, and I am grateful for it every day.
Monday. You came a little too soon, but let's make the best of it, shall we? And since I've already done yoga, tried meditating for the first time, and am only on my second cup of coffee this morning, I'd say things aren't looking so bad.
The hubs was out at deer camp so the kids and I had a cozy, snuggling, at home weekend and it was great. Let's review:
I went to a fall dessert swap. So many apples and I tried them all.
I joined a Dave Ramsey + Kon Mari facebook group (it's one of the few reasons I haven't given up facebook) and from a discussion on there, I was inspired to try outRachel Cruze's clip idea for carrying cash and I liked it a lot. (For those of you that don't know, we've followedDave Ramsey's advice with our money since Dylan was born. It works for us!)
I preorded Food Freedom Forever, but my copy got delay. So I cancelled my amazon order and went to Barnes and Noble and physically picked it up instead. (Plus these two. Plus some books for the kids.) I should have just done that in the first place. I think I need to cut back on online shopping...
When Daddy's away we have sleepovers and watch "It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown" together in the big bed.
FALL, in a photo.
Kon Mari inspired.
We got booed! It's the first time ever that we got booed before we booed someone, and the kids were thrilled.
It's been a slow week blog wise around here. I'm reworking somethings with the etsy shop so it's currently in "vacation mode" (don't worry if you've already made an order!); if you are interested in any orders or have any questions, please feel free to email me here: my.june.nov(at)gmail.com
Oh, hey there! I'm still here. The last couple weeks have been batshit crazy, so blogging was one of the things that had to be pushed to the side. Priorities sometimes shift, and I have been trying to give myself the grace to accepted that I cannot do everything all the time. It's a struggle for me.
Let's catch up a bit, shall we?
November is here and I'm taking a moment everyday to reflect on being grateful. I made this chalkboard art to decorate my front porch.
We had a long weekend the first week of November, so we flew home to California. I ate Mexican food. Every. Single. Day. I also got to meet my best friend's new baby (sweetness overload) and spend some much needed time with our families. The kids were beside themselves getting to see their grandparents, and all their cousins and "hometown" friends. This military family life is amazing, except when it's not. Where we grew up and were lucky enough to be stationed for 3 years is our village. There, not only do we have our parents, but we also have our dearest friends. Part of living close to home that was such a blessing was that our kids had lots of adults-family members and non-family members-that they could go to for help and love. We miss that.
Leaving on a jet plane.
Dylan turned 9 (!!!!) this week. We had a HUGE birthday party for him. It was a bit stressful for the husband and me (what kind of working parents plan a birthday party for Friday night?? Ones who aren't thinking, apparently.), but the kids had a blast. It was Minecraft themed, which I seriously just don't understand at all. Dylan tried to explain all the games to me, but I still don't get it.
I did like how the cake turned out though. Easiest birthday cake I've ever made, hands down. I usually reserve a half hour for every birthday cake to have a freak out; this year I stayed calm. Rice Krispie treat cakes for the win.
This kid, all on his own, decided to forgo presents at his party this year and asked all his friends to bring items that could be donated to the local animal shelter. I couldn't be more proud of him. We ended up donating a huge amount of stuff from his generous friends!
Paris. I do not have words to express the sorrow I feel over what happened in this beautiful city. I can only send my thoughts and prayers.
Our poor dog tore his ear on a thorn bush this weekend. He looks a lot worse here then he does in real life. Also, he's been freed from the cone head.
After the craziness of the past two weeks, we finally sat down to a family Sunday Supper last night. We all cooked together, which I love. It was such a relief to have this important part of our family life back this week, we've been really hit or miss with it lately.
We had another busy, fun weekend! Here's a few highlights:
I was honored to be asked to make flag for a Gold Star Mothers Memorial Ruck. Gold Star Mothers are mothers who have lost a son or daughter in combat. This ruck (a 10K with a loaded backpack) was made up of 21 teams, each who carried one of these flags with the name of a service person who gave their life. I hand cut each of the Gold Star and thought of each of those Mothers as I made them.
My Saturday mornings are devoted to meal planning, grocery shopping, and food prep for the week. I'll be writing a more indepth post about my process soon.
The kids went to a birthday party at Sky Zone. We'd never been there, but will defiantly be going back, especially with the cold winter days that are coming! So fun.
On Sunday we headed to Philadelphia for Boo at the Zoo! We're members of the Philadelphia Zoo, and I highly recommend that if you're ever in Philadelphia that you check it out. It's the oldest zoo in America and the setting for The Trumpet of the Swan.
Love these three.
The leaves were on point this weekend! We've at the peak for fall foliage.
My baby girl got her first haircut this weekend. I wanted to take her to my salon, but the husband pointed out that $50 for a trim wasn't a smart financial decision. So she went with daddy to his place.
She looks so big now. And extra sassy.
An outtake from some family photos I took this weekend. This one pretty much sums up our kids.
We had oven baked ribs for dinner on Sunday. SO yummy! I served them with dairy free mashed potatoes, a big salad with a Dijon vingarette, and kamala olives.
Hope you had a great weekend! Grab a cup a coffee and get after this Monday.
A few days before school started, Ava and I sat down at our kitchen table with a bead set. On strings, we strung a rainbow of beads: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, flanked by white beads for clouds.
"Let's make best friend necklaces. That way when I'm at preschool, you can touch yours and think of me. And I'll touch mine when I miss you."
Ava was so excited to start preschool. She had longingly watched her brother go for the past four years and was excited to have a teacher and a classroom. The first day, she had her outfit picked out, and trotted off with out a tear or a look back.
"Good bye! I love you! See you later!"
I had been nervous. Although she's super outgoing and friendly now, as a baby and toddler, she had been painfully shy, terrified to be away from my husband and me. I was worried that some of that would resurface starting a full day preschool program. Even as she's grown in personality, she's always been a homebody. But she had a great first day! In fact, she had a great first week! She couldn't wait to get back on Monday! And Monday-also fantastic!
And then, things weren't so awesome anymore.
It started with a note from the teacher (her teacher writes notes to the parents everyday about how the day went). It mentioned that she was missing her mama and had been a little sad at school that day. And this continued. And then she was crying everyday at school. She wouldn't play with friends. She started crying at drop off and the relief on her face when I picked her up in the afternoons was obvious. She started crying at night at dinner, knowing she had to go back. She'd cry herself to sleep every night and all through breakfast in the morning.
"Mama, I just miss you SO MUCH at school." her little voice would say, choked with tears.
She was utterly miserable and I was heartbroken.
Slowly, over about a two week period, we were able to help her through her separation anxiety. Here's what worked for us:
1. Talking about feelings and going over the day in words. Her teacher would work on this with her at school by reminding her that she was at school to learn and play with friends and that it was okay to feel a little sad at first. At home, we would remind her about how mama always came back to get her. We would talk about the fun things at school and about her sad feelings and how it was alright to feel sad and nervous.
2.Communication with her teacher. We are so so so lucky that she has a fantastic teacher. She was great at communicating with us how the day had gone, what we needed to work on, and she kept her expectations of Ava clear and kind. She spent part of circle time talking about their "job" at school, and encouraging Ava to play with friends-even assigning a buddy to her to help comfort her.
3 & 4. Asking for help. I'm a problem solver; asking for help does not come easy to me. But I was at a loss with how to help my child, and I knew my thoughts of taking her out of school and quitting my (brand new) job to do homeschool preschool were unreasonable. So I talked to one of best friends, who was not only a preschool teacher for years, but also a shy child herself. She had some solid great advice, along with a very firm stance that Ava WOULD be okay and get over her separation anxiety. I needed to hear that. She also introduced us to this video:
This video seriously changed things around. I told Ava that one of her Auntie's had sent her a video that she thought might help her feel better about school. When she watched it she stopped crying and a huge look of relief came over her face. She looked at me and said, "Oh Mama, Auntie understands just how I feel." We've watched this video every single school morning since.
5. We had to have a loving, but firm talk about school. There came a point where we just had to sit down with her and firmly say, "You are in preschool now. Mama or Daddy is ALWAYS there to pick you up. Your teacher cares about you and wants to help you, and your new friends want to play with you. We want you to go to school and do the best you can today." We told her that we would walk her in, get her settled, and give ONE extra kiss and then we had to say goodbye. I don't think sneaking out is ever a good idea when leaving a child, but a prolonged good bye is almost equally bad. A quick loving goodbye was really essential.
6. A sticker chart. And finally, we did a ten day sticker chart. For everyday she didn't cry, she put up a sticker. At the end of ten days she got to pick out a little prize. The first couple stickers were hit or miss, but once she got into her groove, that sticker chart and the idea of a prize really helped motivate her. And at the end of the ten no cry days, we haven't had any tears since.
What didn't work: 1. Books about separation. When she first started getting upset, I pulled out our trusty copy of "The Kissing Hand". I thought that the story of the little raccoon would help her. She loved the story, but for all the wrong reasons. She would focus on the illustration of the raccoon crying about being away from home. "I know just how he feels." she would say. I also tried "Llama Llama Misses Mama." The story basically was her school day, from being sad at drop off to crying in front of everyone. She burst into tears just hearing the story.
2. Walking to school. We live close to the school, so for the first few days we walked. But once we left our home block, the walk became an anxiety ridden trek. Every step was hard, tears would fall, all the kids we walk with would repeatedly (sweetly!) ask her if she was okay, which she WAS NOT, and by the time we got to school she was in full blow melt down mode. Dylan has continued to walk with his group of friends, but I started driving Ava and it made a big difference. She gets a few extra quiet minutes at home with me, and the car ride is time to herself. By the time we get to school she's ready to see her teacher and start her day.
3. Play dates after school. We live in a very old fashioned neighborhood: all the kids play together outside until the street lights come on-literally. Kids are in and out of each others homes all the time. Ava is friends with a couple little girls on our street. But afterschool, even now where she is happy at school most days, she needs quiet time. She needs that time after school for family and at home. And I'm happy to give that to her. We save playdates for the weekends.
Separation anxiety with your child is hard stuff, but the number one thing you can do? Shake it off. Know that it will pass, know that you are doing the best you can, and that your little one (and you!)will be okay.
She comes down in an Elsa dress-up dress, leopard print converse, and three bracelets. She asks for a braid, of course. To complete the Elsa look. I braid her hair and we load up in the car.
We pull into the grocery store parking lot. I help Ava unbuckle from her car seat and she hops down from the car into the parking lot. We hold hands as we maneuver across the asphalt. As we get closer to the store, she always asks, "Can I sit in the rocketship cart?!"
"Of course," I say.
I reach for one of the bulky carts with the plastic rocketship seat. It's blue today, and hard to move. I manage to get it out, and pick her up and place her in front of one of the wheels.
"Blast off!" she cries, joyfully.
"Blast off!" I repeat back.
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The rocketship cart is cumbersome. It's annoying, in fact. Giant and yet not enough actual cart space for all the groceries. But every week, we use it. It brings a ridiculous amount of joy to Ava. She loves grocery shopping with me; she is always happy and cheerful and polite at the store. She drives her rocketship, she writes her own lists, she helps pick produce and cereal. I am happy to give her this cart in exchange for a happy shopper. I am happy to let her ride, because it won't be long before she is too big for the rocketship cart. And I want to hold onto to these little things for as long as I can.
****
Ava dresses herself everyday. She's done this since she was about 2 1/2. Many days she chooses dress up clothes. Elsa, Ariel, Rainbow. Crowns, sunglasses, gloves. Hair bows, usually more than one, mismatched socks on purpose. She inspects each outfit in detail and is always satisfied with how they turn out. "I look stylish!" is a daily refrain in our home. And with confidence like that, she's allowed to wear those clothes as we run errands.
She gets looks sometimes, and very occasionally comments. But I have no desire to take away her confidence in her choices. I have no desire to take this carefree, complete and utter happiness from my child. Not ever. Because it's likely, someday, she'll want to wear what everyone else is. She'll follow the trends of teenagers, and not want to go to the grocery store with me. But until then, we'll walk hand in hand through the grocery store parking lot, with a crown on her head and talking about choosing the color of our rocketship cart.
We went to Wild Kratts Live! The tickets were a Christmas gift to the kids, who both LOVE Wild Kratts. The show was really fun and the kids were so excited to meet the Kratt brothers, who were gracious and really engaged with all the kids they spoke to. These guys obviously love educating kids about animals and nature.
