Sometimes, things fall into place. Sometimes, you're in a house, in a neighborhood, taking your kids to school, doing a job you love and your husband is home for dinner every single night. And you find yourself not having to remind yourself, "Be present" because you just are. You're not telling yourself "the days are long but the years are short" through gritted teeth because you're just enjoying the days.
Part of this falling into place is just the place we are at in general. My kids are big, but not too big. They can put on their own shoes, they can buckle their own seat belts, we never ever need a stroller (PRAISE THE LORD), we can take them places and not have it be a huge production. They still like to hang out with us and we don't embarrass them yet. It's spring time-where the days are warmer and longer and that alone can make things feel better. You could say we're in a good season-in both life and nature.
But there is a little more right now: we love our home (not always the case when you move every few years), we love our neighborhood (same), and the school the kids are attending is fantastic (also: same). Both Neal and I like our jobs and work decent hours. We love this duty station and the town we live in-which is always a blessing because we don't get to chose. And while there are issues, like any where or place (a move in the middle of the school year is not easy), we are so content here.
It feels like home, in a way the last three years did not. It feels like everything has fallen into place for the time being, and I am grateful for it every day.
I'm pretty passionate about teaching my children how to cook. I never learned how to cook as a child; my mother didn't like cooking (she actually owned a cookbook called "The I Hate To Cook Cookbook") and so she didn't think about teaching me how to make anything. But I've always had an interest and after taking a home economics class in the 8th grade, I taught myself how not only to cook, but found that I love it. And this is a skill that I want to pass on to both my kids.
I mentioned that once a week over the summer, I'm having the kids cook dinner. I let them chose what we eat, they help with the shopping, and they cook it all themselves, to the best of their ability. Of course, I'm there to help-especially with heat and knives-but for the most part, the goal is for them to do it themselves (and the bigger goal is for them to be self-sufficient adults who can grocery shop and cook without batting an eye and won't be calling me from their dorm room asking how to microwave Spaghetti-O's).
So how to get started having your kids help out in the kitchen? Start Young. Both of my kids have been helping in the kitchen since they could stand on a stool. Start with simple things like whisking, stirring, wiping the counters, and measuring ingredients. As they get older, give them new, more advanced skills. (Don't fret if your kids are already older, they too can learn, promise.) Which leads us to... Don't Underestimate Them. Kids are capable. I personally find this set of skills pretty accurate, but of course, as with anything, consider your child's personal ability and maturity when making decisions about what kitchen skills are best for them. (But totally remind them to wash their hands because, they're kids and they are germ traps.)
Lay The Groundwork. Make sure they understand how to read over a recipe, make a grocery list of what they need, and plan out their meal. All these steps add up to successfully being able to make that meal!
Let Them Take the Lead and Let It Go. This is harder for some people (ahem, ME)then others. When you let kids cook, there will be mistakes and messes and you just need to hold your tongue and let them enjoy the process. But also...
Make Time For Clean Up. Clean up is part of cooking and make sure your kids know that and help. Maybe there will be less of a mess next time! (probably not, let's be real.) Indulge Them A Bit. For their Thursday menus, I encourage my kids to chose foods they like and are healthy, but I let them chose a dessert of their choice too. Teaching them balance, even at a young age, is part of the life skills they'll need of a happy healthy life!
We've s-l-o-w-l-y been recovering from the holidays. This weekend we had plans to take it pretty easy, which we mostly did, until Sunday afternoon when we realized the 408307492 things we forgot to do, which resulted in several hours of crazy intense stress, followed by Downton Abbey.
New year, new chalkboard sign. This one sums us up nicely.
I got this coloring book and a set of Prisma colored pencils for my birthday and I'm loving it. I'm really horrible at meditation, but this is a form I can get behind.
After a month and a half hiatus, I went running on Saturday. It was cold, so I went to the gym and ran on the treadmill. Running on the treadmill is not my favorite. I find myself so much less motivated on the treadmill. It ended up being more of a run/walk HITT workout than an actual run. My time was crap, but it felt good to get back out there. Kinda. Almost. Well, the idea of it felt good. I definitely need to set some running goals to get my time up and to get motivated.
On Sunday, before we remembered all the stuff we should have been doing, we took the kids shopping with some of their Christmas money. Dylan got yet another ginormous Lego set that is currently covering my dining table.
And Ava added to her ever growing stuffed animal menagerie.
Ever since the kids saw this video, they (especially Dylan) have been obsessed with Tom Hanks and all his movies. So we watched the original Toy Story this weekend for movie night.
"Well, if YOU hadn't shown up with your stupid little cardboard spaceship and taken away everything that was important to me!"
I didn't add it to my B+ Goals, because it's more of an A+ with extra credit situation, but I'm doing a Whole 30 again this month. Let's just say that it was a rough last couple days where I wasn't excited to eat anything because it was NOT Mexican food/Pizza/Chex Mix. Le sigh. Turkey burger, butternut squash, cucumbers, and a La Croix was one lunch we had this weekend. It was delicious! But it was not tacos. #1weekdown
A few days before school started, Ava and I sat down at our kitchen table with a bead set. On strings, we strung a rainbow of beads: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, flanked by white beads for clouds.
"Let's make best friend necklaces. That way when I'm at preschool, you can touch yours and think of me. And I'll touch mine when I miss you."
Ava was so excited to start preschool. She had longingly watched her brother go for the past four years and was excited to have a teacher and a classroom. The first day, she had her outfit picked out, and trotted off with out a tear or a look back.
"Good bye! I love you! See you later!"
I had been nervous. Although she's super outgoing and friendly now, as a baby and toddler, she had been painfully shy, terrified to be away from my husband and me. I was worried that some of that would resurface starting a full day preschool program. Even as she's grown in personality, she's always been a homebody. But she had a great first day! In fact, she had a great first week! She couldn't wait to get back on Monday! And Monday-also fantastic!
And then, things weren't so awesome anymore.
It started with a note from the teacher (her teacher writes notes to the parents everyday about how the day went). It mentioned that she was missing her mama and had been a little sad at school that day. And this continued. And then she was crying everyday at school. She wouldn't play with friends. She started crying at drop off and the relief on her face when I picked her up in the afternoons was obvious. She started crying at night at dinner, knowing she had to go back. She'd cry herself to sleep every night and all through breakfast in the morning.
"Mama, I just miss you SO MUCH at school." her little voice would say, choked with tears.
She was utterly miserable and I was heartbroken.
Slowly, over about a two week period, we were able to help her through her separation anxiety. Here's what worked for us:
1. Talking about feelings and going over the day in words. Her teacher would work on this with her at school by reminding her that she was at school to learn and play with friends and that it was okay to feel a little sad at first. At home, we would remind her about how mama always came back to get her. We would talk about the fun things at school and about her sad feelings and how it was alright to feel sad and nervous.
2.Communication with her teacher. We are so so so lucky that she has a fantastic teacher. She was great at communicating with us how the day had gone, what we needed to work on, and she kept her expectations of Ava clear and kind. She spent part of circle time talking about their "job" at school, and encouraging Ava to play with friends-even assigning a buddy to her to help comfort her.
3 & 4. Asking for help. I'm a problem solver; asking for help does not come easy to me. But I was at a loss with how to help my child, and I knew my thoughts of taking her out of school and quitting my (brand new) job to do homeschool preschool were unreasonable. So I talked to one of best friends, who was not only a preschool teacher for years, but also a shy child herself. She had some solid great advice, along with a very firm stance that Ava WOULD be okay and get over her separation anxiety. I needed to hear that. She also introduced us to this video:
This video seriously changed things around. I told Ava that one of her Auntie's had sent her a video that she thought might help her feel better about school. When she watched it she stopped crying and a huge look of relief came over her face. She looked at me and said, "Oh Mama, Auntie understands just how I feel." We've watched this video every single school morning since.
5. We had to have a loving, but firm talk about school. There came a point where we just had to sit down with her and firmly say, "You are in preschool now. Mama or Daddy is ALWAYS there to pick you up. Your teacher cares about you and wants to help you, and your new friends want to play with you. We want you to go to school and do the best you can today." We told her that we would walk her in, get her settled, and give ONE extra kiss and then we had to say goodbye. I don't think sneaking out is ever a good idea when leaving a child, but a prolonged good bye is almost equally bad. A quick loving goodbye was really essential.
6. A sticker chart. And finally, we did a ten day sticker chart. For everyday she didn't cry, she put up a sticker. At the end of ten days she got to pick out a little prize. The first couple stickers were hit or miss, but once she got into her groove, that sticker chart and the idea of a prize really helped motivate her. And at the end of the ten no cry days, we haven't had any tears since.
What didn't work: 1. Books about separation. When she first started getting upset, I pulled out our trusty copy of "The Kissing Hand". I thought that the story of the little raccoon would help her. She loved the story, but for all the wrong reasons. She would focus on the illustration of the raccoon crying about being away from home. "I know just how he feels." she would say. I also tried "Llama Llama Misses Mama." The story basically was her school day, from being sad at drop off to crying in front of everyone. She burst into tears just hearing the story.
2. Walking to school. We live close to the school, so for the first few days we walked. But once we left our home block, the walk became an anxiety ridden trek. Every step was hard, tears would fall, all the kids we walk with would repeatedly (sweetly!) ask her if she was okay, which she WAS NOT, and by the time we got to school she was in full blow melt down mode. Dylan has continued to walk with his group of friends, but I started driving Ava and it made a big difference. She gets a few extra quiet minutes at home with me, and the car ride is time to herself. By the time we get to school she's ready to see her teacher and start her day.
3. Play dates after school. We live in a very old fashioned neighborhood: all the kids play together outside until the street lights come on-literally. Kids are in and out of each others homes all the time. Ava is friends with a couple little girls on our street. But afterschool, even now where she is happy at school most days, she needs quiet time. She needs that time after school for family and at home. And I'm happy to give that to her. We save playdates for the weekends.
Separation anxiety with your child is hard stuff, but the number one thing you can do? Shake it off. Know that it will pass, know that you are doing the best you can, and that your little one (and you!)will be okay.
We went to Wild Kratts Live! The tickets were a Christmas gift to the kids, who both LOVE Wild Kratts. The show was really fun and the kids were so excited to meet the Kratt brothers, who were gracious and really engaged with all the kids they spoke to. These guys obviously love educating kids about animals and nature.
